The Rebound

He catches me staring at him

And I am lost in the depths of his eyes and his innocent face

His unhinged smile makes me feel again

I feel hope, I feel beautiful

I feel my heart beat

I feel alive.

I feel petrified.

My mind runs on you

I remember how easy it was to be accepted by you

I compare

I self destruct

I push him out of harms way as I feel my foundation crumbling.

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Gut

It wasn’t like the rest

I almost didn’t give you the time of day

I paused, I decided to stop being shallow and follow my gut

My gut saw intelligence

My gut was grasping at straws

My gut is always right

You told me all the things I needed to hear while I picked up all the pieces of my life

You called me beautiful

But my foundation was unstable

Like a house of cards, ready to be swept away by any sudden gust of wind

I didn’t play any games

I was rash and crude and I refused to be anything other than myself

I thought it would drive you away

But it created unexpected familiarity and intimacy

I put you at the back of my mind

But you fought, you were relentless

I found myself missing you when you were gone and craving the smile that played upon my lips when I saw your name

Dreaming

Imagine a never ending night

A never ending blackness

No stars, no reason

An empty abyss.

A sleep that refused to cure the tiring ache of bones

The pull of gravity crushing down on your chest

Leaving you bedridden.

I squint and I can see the stars

They’re still there, only a farther distance away

I close my eyes refusing to believe the mirage clearly designed for further self destruction

I sleep

And for the first time in months the darkness fades to give way to a dream.

All At Once

It happened all at once.

The rays, who’s warmth I had grown accustomed too,

Who’s light danced on my thighs with each sway of the curtain against the gentle breeze

Everything receded.

I didn’t see it happening

I only noticed when it was gone

I inclined my face towards its usual source

And I saw its dull glow contained behind the curtains

Held at bay

A shadow playing upon its edges.